So Blessed

The other night I came home late from some meeting and found Lucas still awake. I went in and cuddled with him while we talked about his night, how he likes to sleep with the blanket up over his head and how the dog gets jealous when I lay with Lucas. I asked him where Dad was because the house was dark when I walked in. "Oh, Jonah had some trouble falling asleep..."

So I went into our bedroom and found this. Doesn't Jonah just look huge?

I crawled into bed with them and cuddled to my heart's content. I just curled that sweet boy right up next to me, put his hand on my face and reveled for 20 minutes.

It was one of those peaceful, soulful moments that I will always have with me. It made me think of when Jonah was first born and how I holed up in my home for that first month and just held our baby, literally for hours a day, doing nothing but loving that feeling of him nestled against my neck. I feel so blessed. And so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who has helped me learn patience, the joy of motherhood, what faith really is, and the indescribable joy that can come from our families.

I think back to the timing of us having Lucas 10 years ago. We had just gotten married and had decided to wait at least a year before we even started trying to have kids. But a month after our wedding, I kept getting this strong impression we needed to start trying right now. Infertility runs in our family and thought it would probably take us a year to get pregnant anyway. Well, 3 weeks later we were expecting. We took Lucas to our first wedding anniversary and what an absolute joy he has been. My older sister had just had her first son 10 months earlier and unbeknownst to us, their births would be the start of many sad years for both of us unable to have more children. I see Lucas as such a tender mercy of the Lord. We were so blessed the two boys have had each other. He knew Lucas needed to come when he did. Lucas led me to a special, deeper relationship with my dear sister as we struggled with infertility and raising an only child. Lucas and her son Jackson now also have a tight bond as the oldest cousins on our side and will always be close.

After 7 years of hoping and praying and too many shots to count, we were blessed with this amazing, wonderful spirit. I cannot express in words my emotion and love for this child. He fills a place in me that had ached for so many years. I love that Lucas finally has a brother and I love that Jonah will have such a fabulous big brother to guide him and play with him and mentor him. I love all the little things I had forgotten from Lucas' time as a baby and everything that comes flooding back, like the thrill of each new milestone, our awe of each new word and his amazement as he discovers the world, renewing a love for picture books read a thousand times to Lucas, the ever-needed vigilance and the panic when things get a little too quiet.
It's not always been easy to "start over" with a baby after so many years (forgotten were the long, weary nights of teething, trying to get him to eat regular food, and the never ending mess) but it literally fills my soul. Fills me with deep purpose and a joy in my role as mother.